What's More Important than a Kitchen Painter’s Right Arm?

Disaster!

That was the only thing going through my mind.

The acrid smell of a burned-out motor filled my nostrils. My stomach tightened with anxiety. The one piece of kit I absolutely cannot do without had just flamed out and died. In the middle of a job too. (To be fair, it was only ever going to break down on a job because it only ever gets used on a job, but that didn’t make it any less inconvenient when it did.)

I’m talking about my Festool dust extractor. You might call it a vacuum cleaner and wonder what all the fuss is about. Believe me, a Festool dust extractor might look like a vacuum cleaner, but it is a far, far superior machine. It is designed to capture the finest and minutest dust particles. Your vacuum cleaner, by comparison, is a rock collector. I’m sorry to sound harsh, but it’s the truth.

If dust is the kitchen painter’s worst enemy, the Festool dust extractor is our best ally. It captures everything, keeping our work spaces immaculately dust free. It is so good, I can attach it to a sander and happily work away without a dust mask. Nothing escapes it. I reckon the only thing better at sucking in dust than a Festool dust extractor is a black hole. But they’re a nightmare to handle and there isn’t a single one to be had in the whole of Ireland.

Mind you, it’s not like Festools grow on trees, either. They are specialist pieces of equipment. And there I was, smoke coming out of mine, halfway through a job. Nightmare. I needed one immediately. So off I set in the van on a quest to find one.

I tell you what, the roads were packed and the shops were heaving. It was just before lockdown and people were stockpiling like mad. Getting around was heavy going.

You can’t just pick up a Festool at your local DIY shop. They won’t have a clue. You need a specialist supplier. But I was out of luck. My go-to guy had sold out. It wouldn’t take many sales to achieve that, so it was understandable. Premium dust extractors aren’t the kind of fast-moving product you stock high to the ceiling to satisfy rampaging hordes of buyers. I’d go so far as to say, there will never be a run on them. Not unless they start giving away actual unicorns with each one, at least. So most stockists only keep a tiny supply.

Apocalyptic Raging Killer Zombies -vs- the Kitchen Painter

At work with my Festool, sanding down an oak table I was asked to repaint. (More about that in a future blog post.)

Having drawn a blank with my main guy, I was getting agitated. My dust extractor is more important than my right arm. I have two arms, so one is always spare. But no Festool meant the job would stop. I couldn’t let my client down. I skidded into the car park at the next trade shop in a cloud of tyre smoke. (Actually, I didn’t, but for purposes of drama, let’s just go with it.) And fought my way through the pre-lockdown horde of apocalyptic raging killer zombies stockpiling like crazies. (Again, that’s not quite accurate, but it may as well have been, given my frame of mind at the time.)

With a wild look in my eyes and my breathing heavily, I asked the shopkeeper whether he had a Festool CLEANTEC CTL Midi in stock. I could have asked for a Festool CLEANTEC CTM 36 E AC RENOFIX 240V, but, frankly, I didn’t have that kind of time. The clock was ticking.

“Yes,” the man said.

“Oh, thank God,” I said.

He looked me up and down. “Have you been running around like a mad thing looking for one?” he asked.

I told him I had.

He thought that was very funny. “Most people are chasing about after toilet paper. You must be the only one in Cork running around looking for a dust extractor,” he said.

Mightily relieved, both psychologically and monetarily, I loaded the Festool into my van. The ravaging hordes of killer zombies ignored me, other than a cursory glance to see whether I had any toilet paper. Of course, we now know toilet paper was in far more plentiful supply than Festool dust extractors in most places in the world—with the possible exception of the Festool factory itself.

Outsiders might think a paint brush is the kitchen painter’s most important tool. You’re an insider now. You know the real story.